from The Shipping News

"Tell him. What? That he was wondering if love came in other colors than the basic black of none and the red heat of obsession?"

for book geeks

It's really frustrating in this day & age how few used bookstores there are anymore, unless you live in Seattle or Portland. Borders & Barnes & Noble are extremely overpriced and Amazon isn't as fun. There's nothing like a used bookstore for going through hundreds of bad books to find a gem of a great one. This is why I will never get into the Kindle or any other eReader. It's all in the discovery.

A couple days ago, I was thrifting with my mom when I had a huge discovery. We went to three different thrift stores and all of them had, not only TONS of books, but some great finds in great conditions, for really CHEAP! I got a little too excited. I spent 20 bucks for three bags full. The point of this entry to anyone who is reading: definitely go to thrift stores for used books. I know not all of them will have a good selection, the stores in LA had crap, although I did find a nice copy of The Pillars Of The Earth there, but I think I spent $8 or $9 for it. A good deal but not a steal. If you live in Sacramento, you'll find steals! Until they realize, and raise their prices. Here are the books I bought!

Un Lun Dun by China Mieville for $2
I've been wanting to read this so I was so excited to find it, and this is a beautiful hardcover copy in perfect condition. It actually still has the Borders sticker on the back with the list price of $17.95. Yes, this is technically a young adult novel. Sue me.

Honolulu by Alan Brennert (author of Moloka'i) for $2
Another book I've been wanting to read, got a nice paperback edition.

John Irving's Three Complete Novels for $2
I almost peed myself when I found this, perfect hardcover, my favorite author, three of his novels that I haven't read yet: Setting Free The Bears, The Water-Method Man, The 158-Pound Marriage.

Stephen King's On Writing for $2
Another gorgeous hardcover edition in perfect condition, something I've been wanting to read.

Angel's Game by Carlos Ruiz Zafon for $2
I was shocked to find this, a perfect hardcover, because I just finished Carlos Ruiz Zafon's other book The Shadow Of The Wind and was planning on getting this one next.

Smaller paperback/mass market copies for $3 total:
The Screwtape Letters
Pilgrim's Progress
Billy Budd, Sailor
The Cider House Rules

and we're caught up in the crossfire of Heaven & Hell

It's so weird to be back in Sacramento. I don't remember what I used to do when I lived here. I guess that's why I left in the first place, because I wanted a change, but I know I just haven't tried enough to experience things around here.
It's strange, though, to have old memories everywhere I go again. It seems like everything reminds me of a time in my life; I've either worked or lived in almost every area here. It's almost overwhelming. And even though it was a short time that I was gone, a lot has changed. My mom's house and my sister's house are both places that I've only stayed in while visiting, so this section of Sac is new to me.

The past couple days have been in the 100s, and it's ridiculous. I have a pathetic semester at school, one Microeconomics class, but it will be good to focus on it. I feel so unmotivated lately, usually these periods of apathy don't last this long.

With all this free time, I really want to spend time writing, working on languages, poetry. I think sometimes I spend too much time reading, and I am lucky to be able to take advantage of this time doing things I want to do like learning on my own and getting stuff written. Speaking of reading, I need to "review" The Shadow of the Wind. Anyone who loves books needs to read it. It is marvelous, darling.

but the spotlight makes you nervous

The "R" key on my laptop is acting up. I definitely need that one.
I feel the need to write just to write, instead of reviewing something or trying to sound like I know what I'm talking about. Plus there are so many changes in my life right now, and, change is good. The main part of my brain instantly rejects change, but, there's another part that loves it and needs it. I think my mind and body just NEED to feel anxious and that's one way to get there. But it is good, because with change comes experiences.

In a few days, I am packing all of my things into a rented car and driving back to Sacramento. I'm grateful to my big sister Rachel and her hubby Chris for taking a poor loser like me in off the street. ;)
I need to figure something out, and while I want it to be school, I'm afraid after a few months there I'll just get stir-crazy again. But I can't pretend like I have something going for me because frankly, I don't. And that's not low self esteem that's just reality. There are plenty of people in their thirties even that don't know what they're doing, so I'll live. I'm not too worried about it, except for the lack of security. Wanting to go places and do things that I can't afford. It'll work out, I just need to be patient.

Every time I type "work" it comes out "wok" because of my "R" problems.

Anyway. Right now in Long Beach I have the coolest roommates, and that's been very fun. Michelle, Natalie, Melissa, and Amaris, who is staying at home right now so I only got to meet her once. But God really blessed me with them, because it could have been a disaster. I've been going out a lot and watching a lot of movies lately. I used to hate watching new movies and I'd just rewatch my favorites, but I've changed. And I've actually become sort of a movieholic. I've been seeing a lot of movies in theaters for the past couple of years, but I've been watching some "oldies" too as of late. Brokedown Palace, Mansfield Park, Phoebe in Wonderland, Expelled, Paranormal Activity, Closer. None of those are really old at all. Natalie is a film major and recommended some to me. I also watched JGL's Uncertainty, The Book of Eli. I also watched The Lord of the Rings trilogy in 3 days. As far as books go, I've finished Don't Let's Go To The Dogs Tonight, which I really wanted to like but had trouble getting through it. Narrative of the Life of Fredrick Douglass was good, and short. I just finished The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo which was addicting and I'll have to get the other two books later. But yesterday I started Shadow of the Wind, by Carlos Ruiz Zafon. I've been wanting to start it for a while now, and I can already tell I will love it. He is a great writer. All in all, I've had a lot of time on my hands, if you couldn't tell.


I think my self esteem has taken a big trip down the crapper. I must work on that. I have a good feeling that when I am home and I am around my family and old friends again, it will repair itself naturally. Actually, I know it will. I am really good at being single.
It really bums me out that by the time I truly figure myself out, I will be too old to have the energy to take advantage of it. I feel like I am in a permanent identity crisis and it's just getting on my nerves. One day I will decide I am happy with myself and the next day I will wonder how I am coming across to other people. It's so stupid because logically I know who I am and what I believe about things, but I can't get rid of this inner dialogue. I've been out of teenagerdom for three years now, I thought I would be done with this. I just get so paranoid. I'll probably look back at this in five years and laugh at myself. Hopefully.

The past two years have been such a wild ride and I am so glad I made the decision to come here for this adventure. I will really miss all of the friends I made here. And I will really miss Long Beach. It is unique to the LA area, it really is. Of course, everything down here is a crowded mess, but, Long Beach is special because it's a big city that feels like a small town in certain places. It's close enough to downtown LA, it has a fun nightlife, the ocean is right there, and the weather is so perfect. The houses and shops have character, there's always something to do here, in a way, it feels like the center of everything. But Sacramento has a lot to offer too, and I am excited to explore the nightlife in midtown, since when I left I hadn't yet turned 21. And I do miss my family, the dogs in my family, and my niece and nephew are growing up and I'm not there to be a good aunt. I can't forget about the fact that my life affects more than just me. So in that respect, I am excited. And there's nothing like being in a place that you've spent eight years of your life in. It will work for awhile. :) But I can't help feeling a little nervous about the transition. I'll be okay.

Can I end this post by telling you what an utter PIG I have been today? When I woke up, I went through the McDonald's drive-thru and got large fries, an oreo McFlurry, and an iced mocha. Then I got a Subway sandwich, at least it was a 6' and not a foot long. Thankfully, I couldn't eat all of that in one sitting so I was able to spread the fat around. I'm actually indulging on the McFlurry as I type this. I make myself sick and RIGHT when I get home I'm putting the stress eating to rest. And beer drinking. And staying up until 4:00AM and sleeping in until 1:00PM. Ew, I sound like Lindsay or something. And sadly, you know who I speak of.

Inception

"...it's pure creation."

I'm absolutely obsessed with this movie. It is poetry.
The concept, the brilliance of it, the mysteries, the pain, the letting go.
Dreaming will never be the same again.
An idea is never just an idea.


There's definitely something about dreaming that is completely intriguing. We have no control, and we know so little about why we're dreaming what we're dreaming. We just accept it. And it begs the question, how many of our 'ideas' actually do stem from our dreams? And can that really be coincidental or is our subconscious or something else manipulating our dreams?

[Spoilers starting now..] I saw Inception yesterday and went back to see it again today. Never has a 2 1/2 hour movie gone by so quickly. Usually I can't handle long movies, but, this one is really special. Everything that must be explained is done so extremely well. It doesn't have a lot of unnecessary jargon that you aren't-really-supposed-to-understand-but-still-must-go-along-with. But it doesn't feel dumbed down, either. It also doesn't have a ridiculous amount of overbearing science fiction that gets in the way of the rest of the plot. This movie was very suave in that way. We're able to have this brilliant concept and still remain in a world that we recognize. We're not transported to some future time that we don't completely understand.

Scenes I loved:

1) The anti-gravity fight scenes with Joseph Gordon-Levitt were unbelievable. Blew me away.
2) The first ten minutes. I really wasn't able to fully appreciate them until seeing the movie for a second time. There are a few things that you can't understand until you know what's happening. For instance, when Arthur says, "what's going on up there?" We assume he means upstairs or outside, but he's actually referring to the dream level prior to the one they're in.
3) The hotel room ledge scene was beautiful and so tragic. Cobb's painful reaction.
4) In the room at the chemist's lab where the people come to sleep. What the old man says: "They don't come here to sleep, they come here to wake up...who are you to tell them otherwise?"
5) I love what Cobb says to Mal as he is in Limbo with her for the last time. With all of her complexities and imperfections, this projection he has created of her will never be his real wife and is just a shade. Beautiful.
6) The final homecoming scene. So emotional. Definitely reminded me of Lost.
7) Of course, when Arthur kisses Ariadne. Sigh.

Similarities/Possible References:

A. There are at least 2 connections to Lost.
1) We have the flight from Sydney, Australia to Los Angeles. It's necessary that they take this long flight, so it's probably an unintentional reference, but, it's still something.
2) And we have the Totems vs. the Constants. It's beautiful. These small objects that are personal to them and keep their minds connected to reality.

B. The song that is repeated throughout the movie and that is used as a kick is Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien by Edith Piaf. The actress who plays Mal in Inception, Marion Cotillard, also played Edith Piaf in her bio pic La Vie en Rose. The title of this song also means "No, I regret nothing." It is a meaningful message in this context, as they need to be kicked back from their current dream and let go. No regrets.

C. One of my favorite movies of all time is What Dreams May Come, a movie about the afterlife and eternal love. A man and his journey to the depths of hell to rescue his wife from the underworld. There are so many similarities between WDMC and the scenes with Mal in Inception.


The Acting:

I think everyone did a wonderful job. The casting is rather strange, but it works.
Joseph Gordon-Levitt: I've been in love with Joseph Gordon-Levitt('s acting) for awhile, and I am so happy for him with this movie. He completely stood on his own. He was witty, smart, and I thought had a lot of chemistry as a sidekick to Leo. While the other films he's been in are really great, he definitely deserves some big-time recognition from this role. Oh, and, talk about a sharp dresser, that Arthur. He is a walking GQ model.

Ellen Page: I'm not a fan of Ellen Page, but she was neutral in this role and was tolerable. I liked her character, she was very important to the understanding, and she played it well.

Leonardo di Caprio: Leonardo di Caprio has never really stood out to me; his roles always seem to be pretty much the same. But in this movie, his acting was wonderful and so heartfelt. The scene on the hotel room ledge just completely broke my heart. And I must say, his makeup artist needs an Oscar, because he doesn't look a day over 30.

Marion Cotillard: I don't have much of an opinion on Marion Cotillard, but she's beautiful and very much fits the part.

The other roles: Saito, Eames, Yusuf, Fischer, etc. They were well-played but unexceptional. I had a difficult time understanding Saito a lot of the time.

The Final Scene:

The ending was filmed to perfection. Cobb's reaction as he is waking up in the airplane is perfect. As far as the very end, I have to believe that it stops spinning. But I love the mystery.

If I must complain about two things it would be these:

1) There are many gunfights and people shooting at close-range, but most everyone escapes unscathed. Even the sleeping characters in the van don't get harmed. It makes it pretty difficult to believe. But that's pretty minor and happens in movies a lot.

2) While they're in the third level of the dream, time seems to be a little off between the second and third levels. It seems like an obvious thing to make a mistake about, so maybe I am not understanding something. But there is a point when they have an hour left in the third level, so according to Cobb, Arthur only has three minutes to complete his mission. Then, when they only have twenty minutes in the third level, Cobb says that Arthur still has a couple minutes.

3) Why wasn't Juicy by Biggie used in the film's ending credits? IT WAS ALL A DREAAAM!

I honestly think Inception has just made it into my top 3 favorite movies. It's so difficult to put them in order, but I am completely blown away by the brilliance of this movie. If this doesn't sweep the Oscars, I will be very disappointed. Christopher Nolan, you are a mastermind.

UPDATE: Now that a lot of people have seen it and are talking about it, it really surprises me that people have different reactions to the ending. It was PERFECT. I loved it. And there is NO doubt whatsoever in my mind that the totem toppled, and I cannot believe that others don't believe that it did. It sort of insults the point of his ending in the first place which was to make you gasp a little and then realize the brilliance of letting the shot go to black. It wasn't, in my humble opinion, meant to make the audience question if it fell or not. If the totem kept spinning, then so much of the rest of the movie would be a fallacy. Also, I have heard of another perspective which is that Cobb was the target from the beginning. It's an interesting thought, but, still deceptive. Why would any of the other scenes exist at all? I stand by my opinion.
BUT I would like to see it for a 4th time to make sure of one other possibility, which is that, when he was put under in the chemists "sleeping" room, that the rest of everything was a dream after that. Because we do know that we were unable to see his totem fall after that scene, when he was in the bathroom checking his totem and Saito interrupted him. That would be an interesting development, but still would make me wonder what the point of the rest of the movie was.

Am I a nerd or what?

4th of July

Happy Independence Day, America!

Darn those Brits, with their powdered wigs and tea and stuff.

Scents & Suds

Time for a silly and pointless blog entry! I'm really not a high-maintenance person, but I LOVE girly scents, lotions, and yummy bath products. And I'm obsessed with body washes. The best thing about yummy smells is that I go through phases of scents and they remind me of different parts of my life. When I smell Bath & Body Works Sweet Pea lotion, I'm immediately transported back to Middle School.

I wanted to make a blog of all the delicious things at the moment that make getting ready fun. :)

1. Bath & Body Works Eucalyptus Spearmint

-This is my all-time favorite scent and has been for years, for lotion, body wash, etc. It is SO relaxing and unique.

2. The Body Shop Rich Plum Shower Gel

-This shower gel smells so good that it's tempting to taste. Plum is a really unique scent and it's so delicious.

3. SoftSoap Body Butter Coconut Scrub

-This stuff is yum-o. I like it best for nighttime showers, and in the wintertime because this stuff is creamy, smells sweet, but feels warm and toasty and makes me want to snuggle up in a lot of blankets. Plus it's a scrub, which I love, but it's still gentle. PLUS it's not at all overly coconut. I'm not big on coconut, but I love this.

4. Victoria's Secret Heavenly / Super Model

-Victoria's Secret Heavenly is probably my favorite lotion. I love the smell and I'm not even really sure what it reminds me of. Super Model doesn't really smell as good, it smells like a lot of things that have tint to them, but it's infused with pretty glitter.

5. Nina Ricci
-Perfume or lotion, this stuff is delicious. She has the apple-shaped bottle (that sued the Twilight perfume people, because they made the same exact bottle) and it smells sweet and slightly fruity.

6. Estee Lauder Pleasures Exotic & Pleasures Intense

-I've loved this perfume for a long time, it reminds me of Hawaii. Smells like flowers and tropics. All Pleasures perfumes are delicious.

7. Michael Kors Very Hollywood

-This perfume is so yummy! It's good for going out at night, it's crisp and fun, and reminds me of melon.

8. Bath & Body Works Coconut Lime Verbena foaming body wash

-I LOVE the idea of foaming body wash, it's so fun. It pumps like foaming hand soaps do, and this one smells like delicious key lime pie. So refreshing after a workout.

9. Origins Gloomaway Grapefruit Body Wash/Bubble Bath

-This stuff is to die for. Being both a body wash AND a bubble bath, is incredible. The scent is so fresh and tasty. Definitely chases away the gloom.