Life as an Obstacle Course

This has been “one of those months” for me. In fact, the past year hasn’t been much of a cakewalk and I know a lot of people are in the same boat. There are so many things in my life to be happy about. I could list ten things on the spot that bring me joy and make me feel so blessed and thankful. I could name ten things on God’s green Earth alone that we can all be thankful for. But there are just those moments when I feel like I have the worst luck in the world. Is it luck? Not really…it’s just life. Life is one big rollercoaster of ups and downs: moments that are complete gifts and moments of great struggle. Life is bipolar. Life is funny and silly and gravely serious all at the same time.

I went to start my car last night and it wouldn’t start. I’m praying it’s something minor and it’s not done for good. It’s not the first time this car has failed me, so I shouldn’t be surprised at this. And I wasn’t. I feel like these types of things don’t surprise me anymore. And I don’t mean that in the “FML / woe is me!” sort of way, but more in the vein of “everything happens for a reason / what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.” For instance, I was laid off my job three weeks ago (it could be argued that it was 100% a BLESSING) and I was surprised but not unnerved. I’m not claiming to be super strong and infallible because that’s not the case; It’s more of a numb-yet-aware sort of feeling. It’s like I am taking it all in almost from an outsider’s perspective so as to buffer the reality of it.

It reminds me of the movie Garden State. Zach Braff’s character is on so many pills he can’t even feel anything anymore. Life is happening all around him but it still doesn’t hit home for him. I’m not on any pills and I haven’t suffered the kinds of things that his character does, thank God, but I can relate to the feeling. Sometimes I feel like I am outside myself, only looking in at the things that are happening. This sounds very somber a comparison but when things get ugly, it’s difficult to absorb it all at once. When the character in Garden State gets the Lithium out of his system, (did ANYONE ELSE wonder why he didn’t suffer from serious withdrawals?) he can finally feel again and confront the things he wasn’t facing before. It’s necessary to enjoy a little separation from your troubles when you’ve got them, but life is too short to be numb and emotionless. As the cheesy-but-true quote goes: “I’d rather hurt than feel nothing at all…”

Sometimes I wonder if I just have a major case of denial. But I don’t want to ignore negativity in my life, I just want to find the good in the struggles I have to face. It’s a manifestation of being an introspective person. And I know this world is so much bigger than me and my problems. Besides, what could I possibly learn from a life with no hiccups? How can I become the best person I can be if everything runs as planned? I like a life with surprises and detours and experiences. And if something comes my way that I feel like I can’t conquer, I just have to remind myself that it happened to show me that I can, indeed, get past it, move on and be the better for it.

“I have told you all these things so you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and struggles. But take heart! For I have overcome the world.”
John 16:33 NLT